Sick of the shame and blame game
After so many years of being hurt, scared and terrorized i finally felt like it was time............
I had some how dug deep inside to find that last piece of something to report my abuser/abusers to the police, after weeks of trying so hard to stay angry just so i could talk about it, and there it was, another stumbling block.
I don't really know why i was surprised, I should have expected it, I should have, before I even got started I was then told by the police officer that anything I told her would be acted on, which I knew, and had come to terms with. But then was told that in order for the case to go to court and have the best kind of outcome, that photographs would be needed of injuries, oh and that not only would my privacy be invaded that way, but that i would need to give permission for them to have my medical records, my counselling records, mental health records, basically every part of my life.just so i would get the justice that I am entitled to.
Isn't it bad enough that my body has been violated so much so that my soul has been destroyed, or that the shame i feel is so great that all i want to do is hide away from everyone including myself, but then knowing that people who will protect these animals in court will try and shame me even worse?
Why is it that people say to me that when you stand up and take back control it helps you heal, but what they don't tell you is that in order for that to happen, you have to shame yourself in order to do it?
Why is it when bad people do wrong they don't have to pay for it?
Why is all the pressure on me? My body and mind have been violated enough by my abuser/abusers, and now just to get the justice i should have,(not as some wonderful, great person, but surely just as a human being,) i have to let some misogynist justice system, incompetent professionals, and my abusers shame me even more than i have been.
And then people wonder why so many victims of rape and or abuse won't come forward and talk, well it because of some of these things I've already stated.............. ever heard the saying, better the devil you know, than the devil you don't?
Well it's sadly sometimes true, the burden of proof should not lay with the victim who has already been through so much, it should be with the pig that made her a victim in the first place.
Just needed to vent my frustration.
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