Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Grinning thug who fractured girlfriend’s skull after she ended relationship walks free

Firstly I must apologise, I've never written something like this before, or
indeed anything at all since I was at school many, many years ago, so please
excuse the terrible grammar & punctuation.

So why am I writing this now ?

Well I'm angry, someone said "No" to me or I was rejected or I was denied
the thing I wanted.

All rational thought ceased, the "red mist" descended, so I'm going to pick
up something with some heft and hit someone with it.

Afterwards I'll be full protestations of innocence until faced by evidence I
can't deny.

Then I'll be full of remorse & guilt and protestations that it'll never
happen again, that I snapped, that it was an accident, there may even be
tears and sobs.

At least until the threat of punishment is removed, then I'll be all smiles.

Well I might physically do this if I were a small child going through the
"everything is mine" phase that some go through, I've witnessed small
children doing this I don't remember if I did this but if I did I grew out
of it.

I would hope most people do grow out of this, however now I'm not so sure if
they do.

Because apparently some people don't grow out of this, their emotions never
develop past this point, they are essentially children in adult bodies and I
think they're dangerous.

Personally I think they need psychiatric help, preferably before being
allowed out in society with the rest of us ..well I can dream of a Utopia,
but it won't happen in my lifetime.

Having a relationship with such a person is a perpetual tightrope walk with
no safety net, sometimes you have to say no because of circumstances you
can't control, this makes no difference.

Sometimes you've just had enough and can't take any more, this also makes no

Sometimes they're just in a bad mood because someone or something else
denied them something they want, this also makes no difference, you're
there, you're going to deal with it.

The scary thing is these people look perfectly normal at first glance, until
they are denied something they want like food on the table as they walk
through the door, or the kids to be quiet, or sex, or their horse to win the
Derby, then the 'everything is mine' child surfaces and they lash out.

They're egocentric, the world exists for their pleasure and if you are
unfortunate enough to be, or control access to, the object of their desire,
then you also only exist for their pleasure.

However the rest of the world, that doesn't have something they want, sees
none of this.

The rest of the world might see the aftermath, the bruises, the broken
bones, the visible signs of inflicted pain.

And they see the other side of the "everything is mine" child, the bright
eyed innocent, the bewildered one, the one that's been caught, the one
that's very sorry and doesn't understand what happened they must have just
'snapped' and it'll never happen again, honest, please don't punish me, I'll
be good.

That side, the side that disappears once the threat of punishment is off the

And a lot of the time the world falls for it.

This is why I'm angry.


This particular case involve a male version of the "everything is mine"
child in adult body, before anyone points it out I'm aware there are females
who think the world revolves around them and behave in a similar manner,
however this is the case that I've seen.

A young man was rejected by his girlfriend, who wanted to end their
relationship, so he picked up the nearest thing with some heft to it and
broke her skull, a few ounces more pressure and she would be dead, a piggy
bank full of change can be quite heavy apparently.

He then attempted to coerce his victim into covering up the incident, the
piggy bank 'fell off the wardrobe' and her head was in the way, was the

Then when apprehended, he initially denied hitting her and maintained the
wardrobe story 'until the 11th hour'.

The judge then saw a repentant young man who doesn't have a history of
violence, was obviously distressed at the pain caused, would never do it
again it was just a mistake, they're very sorry and don't understand what
happened they must have just 'snapped' and it'll never happen again, honest,
please don't punish me, I'll be good.

Sorry, touch of deja vu there.

Then, this same young man was photographed outside the court laughing and
grinning having got away with this act of violence.

Well I'm sorry but I'm not buying it, non violent people do not pick up
heavy objects and hit other people with them unless they are extremely
provoked, by which I mean in they fear for their lives or the lives of
others and not just that they've been told the relationship is over.

As far as I'm concerned this is a violent person, the lack of a history
means they haven't been caught, not that they haven't been violent.

Sadly I think he'll do something similar again.

Sadly I think the judge fell for an act, I think the judge got it wrong,
after reading the article I think the judge gets it wrong a lot.

So I'm angry, I was denied the thing I wanted, in this case justice for
someone I've never met and never will.

And I've picked up the nearest thing with some heft and I'm using it, it's
called a keyboard and this is as violent as I get.

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